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She told me that I had to look deep down into myself to find out who I really was.

My immediate reaction to her was
“How can I do that?”

“You have to meditate. You need to concentrate on your thoughts. It is important for you to find out what you really are. I know you can do it. You have the gift. I can see it in you.”

Should I believe her?

Everyone tells me I have the gift but it seems that I am the only one who doesn’t believe it.

I do not feel anything special in me.

All my life I just wanted it to be normal but it seems impossible.

Maybe she’s right after all she is a Witch.

I have to do something about it.

To find out who I really am.

And what.

I went into my room and prepared what I needed.

I lit the Lavender candle up and set it beside me.

I love the smell of Lavender maybe that would help me concentrate and also it reminded me of my Mother.

I sat down on the floor and took a deep breathe.

I was not ready for this but I am going to try.

“Let’s do this!” I mumbled.

Hopefully it works.

I closed my eyelids.

Wild thoughts were running in my mind.

Thoughts that were both disturbing and hurtful.

I blocked them.

I threw all my thoughts away so I could have an empty mind.

That Old Witch did told me to block all my unnecessary thoughts.

It was tougher than I thought. I couldn’t do it.

The smell of Lavender was strong and my nostrils were ticklish.

No…  I couldn’t do it.

I was losing it.

I open my eyelids and stood up.

I blew the candle off.

This was a bad idea all along.

I should not had listen to that old Witch.

I can’t do it.

It was all a bluff.

I have no such gift.

I was filled with anger.

I am such a failure and I can’t do anything right.

I am a dissapointment to everyone.

I close my eyes shut and felt tears running down from my eyes.

All I want to know is who I really am.

I fall to my knees and started sobbing.

All of a sudeen I heard my Mother’s voice.
“Don’t cry my dear. It’s alright. It is going to be just fine. I will be right here.”

I desperately needed her right now. I wanted her touch and her comfort. I wanted her to be at my side so she could guide me in every step.

But she was gone.

My heart was aching.

I am going to try this once again and if it doesn’t work I am going to forget about all these things and start over.

I kissed my two fingers and lift up
to the sky and said “This is for you Mother.”

This time I was standing.

I closed my eyes and concentrated.

I looked deep down into myself.

Deeper, deeper and deeper.

There was nothing.

Nothing was in there.

Dead slient.

I was vexed.

I felt angry.

I wanted to shout out loud at the gods for doing this to me.

I was filled with rage.

I wanted everything around me to burn.

I wanted to destory whatever was around me.

I have never felt this angry before.

I felt like the whole world around me was turning bright red.

Heat was buliding within me.

Something bright was rising up in me.

Hot.

 

I opened my eyes to see that I was on Fire.

 

Written by: Riji

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